Rory Gardiner's Webpage

17, Oct, 2009

Saturday 17th October 2009


We were sad to see Nana and Poppa Honnor leave late this morning.  We haven't been able to make regular pilgrimages to the Naki this year so we have seen less of them.  It has been hard for everyone being so far apart while Rory fights cancer. 

Rory awoke distressed and unhappy from an afternoon nap yesterday.  It was Sean's turn to stay on the ward but Rory wanted me to stay and got upset when I left.  I had to force myself to leave.  I couldn't help but txt Sean several times to make sure Rory was ok.  Sam and I went out for tea to the Cock and Bull with Nana and Poppa.  It was Friday night and I couldn't remember the last time Sean and I went out on the town.  I felt very under-dressed, and quite out of place.  In a major fashion faux pas I have worn runners for the last seven months.  I have opted for comfortable and practical and I'm glad I did, there have been many kilometres carrying Rory, or pushing a buggy, or carting gear.  In my life I have dispensed with all but the essential.  It's just as well I don't wear make-up or take more than two minutes tying up my hair (I'm not sure a pony tail is cool at my age!). 

Rory slept well and was up at 5.30am.  Apart from a runny nose he is well within himself.  He is tolerating the ng feed, going to the loo regularly, rarely taking pain relief, and taking part in activities during the day.  His white blood count was up a little today to 0.38, but his platelets were down to 12.  He received a platelet transfusion this afternoon.  He continues to receive the GCSF and the antibiotic.  The Doctors still won't release him as his white blood count is to low so it looks like he will be on the ward at least until Monday.  The Doctors have said it is taking his system longer to overcome the toxicity of the chemo, and his immune system is tired.  Nurse Jess said the oncology/chemo ward is full, and there are cancer patients in other wards.  They also had four children newly diagnosed with cancer arrive today.  It has been another quiet day of reading, board games, drawing, playing the Playstation, and watching tv.  Sam and I went for a walk down Queen Street mid-afternoon to pick up pizza for tea as Rory felt like some (he ate about four bites). 

It is hard on everyone being continuously cooped up on the ward, trying to pass the time.  I think we all have a little cabin fever.  I think Sean and I get through our night on duty with the knowledge the following night will be spent in a real comfortable bed, in a quiet private place.  It makes me wonder how we strung together several nights in a row on duty in the past.  I guess because we were flying solo there was no other choice so we just did it.  It has gone very quiet in our lives now we have sold the house and moved away from the Kaipara.  I feel as though we have dropped out of life in some way.  We are still trapped within the cancer sphere while those on the outside move on with their lives.  The bond which held us together with those on the outside seems to have been stretched, and in some cases severed.  We miss our home and the special people in our lives from the Kaipara very much.  There is an emptiness in our lives without them.  I think we all try and put it out of our minds as we have to remain positive, and keep moving forward, but it is hard.