Rory Gardiner's Webpage

24, Jul, 2009

Friday 24th July 2009


I try not to cry in public because it embarrasses my little men, an emotional show of female weakness they don't know how to deal with.  On occasion I can't help but get a lump in my throat and tears in my eyes, so I have to look away and do a lot of sniffing.  Both Sam and Rory love music and we have been known to embarrass Sean by singing in public.  I remember one night a couple of months ago walking back to Starship from Newmarket in the dark with Sam and Rory (in the wheel chair) and we were singing Three Little Birds.  "Baby don't worry, about a thing, cause every little thing's gonna be alright".  This song regularly brings a lump to my throat because I'm not so sure everything is going to be alright.  No one can give us a definitive answer, and this is really hard to live with.  We push the unknown outcome into the dark recesses of our minds and don't deal with it, because it is too ugly and awful to contemplate, because we don't want it to be real. 

I really enjoyed waiata this morning.  My good friend Heni taught me several while I was working for DoC at Kauri Coast and it had been too long since I had sung them, and the children sing them with wairua.  Whaea Danielle sings some a little faster than I was used to, and some had slight word variations which caught me out.  Just as well I was drowned out by 200 children!  Whaea, Mr Russek, Mrs McGlassen and the children are recording a CD of waiata for Rory to take to Starship.  There were a few technical difficulties this morning, so I think we will be heading back for round two this afternoon.

Rory caught the bus to school this morning.  The boys always seem to make it by the skin of their teeth.  I remember a year ago we were all bounding out of bed at 5.45am every morning, now we all drag ourselves up at 6.30am.  The children have spent all morning working with Mrs Timms on CRT.  They have made their own compasses and are finding locations/directions on maps of Dargaville and Northland. 

The wonderful offer of a massage organised by Brenda stimulated much discussion in our house.  I was over whelmed when Trudi said as a result of my offering the massage to Sean a massage had been arranged for him at Brian's Gym, so I could enjoy the massage at the beauty clinic.  One day I hope to be able to give Brenda a big hug to say thank you, we haven't yet met.  I'm not used to female pampering so it is going to be a lovely treat (but I must confess to feeling a little nervous).  I am also a little worried it may relax me too much, and I may not be able to get up off the bed!