Journey

A little bird messaged me yesterday “I won’t ask how you are doing as I can see it’s shit but I have been following the blog and you guys are always in my thoughts”.  It takes a friend to give you a reality check.  The black dog has been lurking lately and it has been reflected in my blogs.  I have let it get close and I should have fought harder.  What Rory and our family are going through is heartbreaking and it is hard, there is no point sugar coating it, but there is light in the dark.  As I stood at dawn this morning for Anzac Day I thought we have much to be grateful for. 

1. Rory is still alive. His tumor was operable and it was removed with (albeit miniscule) clear margins.  There has been no spread.
2. Time is passing so the end of treatment is getting closer. This week we had the first conversation about life after.
3. The incredible medical professionals at Starship Hospital, Auckland Hospital and Taranaki Base Hospital who are keeping Rory alive and taking such good care of him.
4. The love and generosity of family, friends, neighbours and strangers who have given to Rory and our family without being asked, often on several occasions, to help make our lives easier so we can keep fighting.
5. The support of community organisations which support families during their most difficult times; Ronald McDonald House, the Child Cancer Foundation, Gabby’s Starlit Hope, Halberg Foundation, Inglewood Lions, Inglewood Red Cross and the George Mason Charitable Trust.
6. Our employer, Taranaki Regional Council, and our Managers who have been understanding and supportive and valued us as staff.
7. Freedom, the sun on our faces and the wind in our hair. We are still able to walk and explore the outdoors together at every opportunity.  Freedom is the word Rory uses most often.  It is a very appropriate word for Anzac Day. 

We are home again.  Rory received the final doses of dexrazoxane and doxorubicin at Starship yesterday morning.  We are very relieved there will be no more.  Rory looks worn down and is in a grumpy mood.  The doxorubicin always makes him feel like rubbish.  It will get worse before it gets better as Rory becomes neutropenic towards the end of next week.  I will be taking him to Taranaki Base Hospital for the GCSF injection tomorrow morning which will boost his white blood count.