Journey

‘We expect women to work like they don’t have children, and raise children as if they don’t work’  Amy Westervelt

For the past 22 years, since Sam was born, I have been mother first.  I wrapped my life around my family.  The first measure of my life was how my sons were.  While I have stayed true to my love of the environment the jobs I accepted had to fit around my family.  When Rory was first diagnosed with cancer 13 years ago it became a much greater requirement.  When I returned to full time work as a team lead last October the deal was Sean and I would swap roles.  However, I continued to behave as I have for the last two decades but it is not sustainable.  It has become increasingly impossible to manage the day to day detail necessary for our family to function.  I have had to let some of it go for Sean to manage.  I have had to learn to be good enough at home.  While life is not managed exactly how I would have done it Sean is doing well.  This week I had to spend three days in Turangi so Sean and the boys have been on their own.  Rory continued to work on the park bench with Phil and the dog kennel with Peter.  Tash took him to Doggy Day Care and WITT.  The students enjoyed lunch at Delux Diner on Wednesday.  As always there were disruptions.  Rory had an Ophthalmology appointment to check his eyes.  It wasn’t suitable to volunteer at The Junction on Friday morning due to bad weather.  Caleb has Covid19 so they couldn’t hang out on Monday afternoon and Sean had to cover Colt’s Parent-Teacher Interview on Wednesday.  Yesterday it was the end of Term 2, the boys now have a two week break from school and WITT.  While I was away I continued to manage Rory’s life from my laptop.  Last night when I arrived home I had to work hard to get the boys to engage.  They don’t see the point, and find it difficult to recall, the details of daily life for mum and I often got answers of ‘nothing’.  I guess I will have to be satisfied with that.  I’m sure the important details will leak out when I least expect it.